No way to live
by Inamioly
Summary: MILD SPOILERS ALERT.When Sister Bernadette recovers from TB, Dr. Turner is reluctant to go tell her how happy he is for her. TWO-SHOT


**A/N: Hellooo, angsty girl speaking. With time you will learn that I LOVE the inner conflicts these two characters must be having with their current predicaments. Angsty all the way! Enjoy and review if you have the time and patience! **

It had been a miracle. The sun had come down to greet the Londoners and their busy lives in a February afternoon, when a frantic call woke the Nonnatus House from their after-lunch numbness. Sister Evangelina soon knocked on every room with the astounding news of Sister Bernadette's full recovery, and was met with squeals of delight and teary eyes on everyone's behalf.

A week later, Sister Bernadette returned to the nursing convent, a radiant smile plastered on her face. Following a series of rounds in which she would tell the world of how grateful she was for God's mercy, the nuns and the nurses gladly took the opportunity to return to normalcy. Dr. Turner called to wish Sister Bernadette all the best, a message passed on by Cynthia and received with a polite smile masking the confusion the former felt.

Two weeks from that day sprinted by, and soon Sister Bernadette had fallen back into her beloved routine. Finishing up her breakfast, she greeted Sister Julienne who was passing by the door and stopped.

"Good morning, Sister. Where are you off to today? It's still awfully early and cold, and it is bound to get worse, according to Tom's prediction."

"Oh, I have some errands to run, and the timing is only perfect right now." The rushing woman explained with a smile. "Goodbye, my dear, enjoy your morning."

And then she left the convent with graceful, yet swift, steps towards a house with green windows frames and no curtains, a green door and a bike leaning against the wall. She knocked, avoiding the doorbell despite the early hour.

The door opened, and Dr. Turner stepped outside, his forehead wrinkled with sleepiness.

"Is everything alright, Sister? Do you need me for a consult?" He asked, his voice rasp.

"Nonsense, Doctor, I was in the neighborhood and thought it would be nice to stop by. Maybe…" She added with a kind smile. "Maybe we could chat for a moment?"

Dr. Turner clared his throat, surprised. "Of- of course, Sister. The house is quite a mess, I'm afraid, as Ms. Lane has been sick all week, but if you shouldn't be bothered by it…" He shrugged.

"Delightful. May I come in, then?"

"After you" He allowed her inside, and pointed towards the living room. "Perhaps we'll be more comfortable in here? I could bring some tea. I have no appointments scheduled until noon."

"I'm alright, thank you." She patted on the couch. "Sit beside me. I wish to make this conversation only as long as it needs to be."

He swallowed and did as she told him.

"My dear man… Sister Bernadette is completely and utterly fine." She started, and he choked.

"You certainly go straight to business, don't you, sister?" He laid back on the couch, eyes on his fidgeting hands. "I should have known you are as perceptive as your preceding reputation declares you to be."

She smiled, amused. "I will repeat myself, as I do not believe you truly heard me. Your frown certainly does not agree with the joy my message ought to carry." She grabbed his hand. "Sister Bernadette fully recovered, her body is truly healed."

"I do know that, and I wish her all the best. I am truly happy for her."

"And yet… You have not been to the convent to see her, am I right?"

He sighed. "Yes, Sister."

"You, as her doctor, at the very least, should have congratulated her in person."

"No, Sister, as her doctor, I called to congratulate her on her newly acquired health. That does not mean I'm any less enthusiastic about her recovery than if I had done it in person." He whispered, frustrated.

"She expected you to." The nun said simply, eyes piercing the doctor until he broke away.

"Well, then, I'm sorry I disappointed her, Sister, but that's life! Why can't we just be happy she still has one to be disappointed about?" He all but screamed, standing up from the couch to walk two big steps in the wall's direction. He wrinkled his forehead. "Why…?"

"Because that is no way to live."

Dr. Turner broke down, sitting on his knees, a hard frown on his aged features. "That's not… that's not fair." He said brokenly. "It's not… fair to her. I'm not worth it. I'm not…" He sobbed, but quickly composed himself. "Why must it always be so hard?"

"It needn't be, son." Sister Julienne stood up and kneeled in front of him. "I am here because I believe your love for her can be compared to her love of God. You both deserve to be happy on your own terms."

"But…" He hesitated, real concern showing in his eyes. "But what if _I_ made her sick?"

"Pardon me?"

"I love her." He mumbled. "I love her, and I have loved her even though I knew it was wrong. What if your God has punished her because of me? Because I love her, and forced my love on her?"

Sister Julienne furrowed her eyebrows. "Now, Doctor, you sound very little like the man of science you are. You know very well you did not give her this disease, and spiritually speaking, as neither of you did anything _wrong_, I refuse to believe God sent her this obstacle just as a way of making things right. That is not God. Also," She added, slightly admonishing. "You never forced your love on her. It grew on her, just like it should, and none of you are to believe otherwise. That is _no way to live_. God wants you to be happy."

He truly sobbed. "I wanted to do the right thing. The noble thing. What am I if I am not even noble towards the ones I love?"

"And you were. You were very much noble, if only a little misguided – at best." She breathed in, soothingly. "Look, Doctor, I came here so I could maybe shed some light into your very conflicted head. Especially as Sister Bernadette – not that she has confided in me about these matters – seems to believe you no longer love her."

His eyes widened. "How could that even be?"

The old nun shrugged. "Love has to be nurtured. You both did, but she could only see herself working towards that goal. Show her you are just as committed as she is, and as you ever were. Be happy, Doctor. You are a wonderful man; you deserve it."

Dr. Turner sat on the floor, thinking. He smiled at Sister Julienne, who stood up and smiled back kindly. On her way out, she whispered. "Tomorrow evening, all of us will be out except for her. If God is on your side, which I highly suspect, you will not be called in. Use those two hours wisely."

He grinned at her words. "I will. I most certainly will."

**A/N: Okay, it is supposed to be a two-shot. Tell me what you think of it, so I know if it's worth posting another chapter. I just looooove this pairing – I hadn't been this inspired since my Dramione fever xD**

**Kisses,**

**Inamioly**


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